PERSPECTIVES (6/27)

China gears up for showdown

Bastion contributing editor Dr. Turdock R. Ferguson investigates worldwide alarm over China's recent military buildup and the prospects of war with the U.S.

by Dr. Turdock R. Ferguson


The 'powers that be' at The Bastion have informed me that if I wish to keep earning a check, I must actually contribute some sort of work to the project. The editor suggested that perhaps I could write about the global implications of China's military buildup. This should be no problem of course, considering the fact that they stuck me here in the middle of Communist China with no training in their language or any other support aside from a paltry salary that barely keeps the light (singular) on in my coffin-of-an-apartment.

I hadn't heard anything previously about a military buildup, so my first step was to find an English newspaper. After searching for most of the day, I finally found a month-old Seattle Post-Intelligencer from a black market dealer for 78,000 yen (roughly $12). There was nothing in it about a buildup.

I next decided to find out if anti-U.S. public opinion was running high among Chinese citizens. I put on my favorite American flag t-shirt and marched through a crowded marketplace. The insults began almost immediately.

"Look, it's roundeyed crazy man again!"

"Watch out, here come that American who always crying!"

"Now it your turn to build railroads for us!"

I quickly escaped, making it back to the relative safety of my flat before violence erupted. I had at least established that the Chinese hated us, but why? That question would prove harder to answer.

I wanted to place a call to the offices of China's president but didn't have a translator. After another half-day of running around, I finally secured the services of a young boy, Jiechi. For 307,000 yen (around $50), young Jiechi relayed my queries back-and-forth to the President's spokesman:

Q: Are you guys building up your military?

A: No.

Q: Don't lie...

A: Okay, we build it up, but just a little bit.

Q: Are you guys going to try to attack America or something?

A: Oh no, we love America very much.

Q: Are you guys going to try to attack Taiwan?

A: Oh yes, we attack Taiwan, we attack them long time.

Q: Why do you guys hate America so much?

A: Oh no, we love America. Love America very much.

At this point I relayed to him my experience at the marketplace. The spokesman explained that those people probably only hated me for some reason, but they certainly don't hate all Americans.

Running out of options, I arranged a meeting with an American whom I met while in this country. I won't mention his name due to the fact that he's hiding-out here to escape tax evasion and money laundering indictments in the States. We met at a local tavern, and I loosened him up with a few strong drinks (not the normal roofie-colada cocktail that I was famous for back home). I explained my predicament to him hoping that he had a contact of some sort that would help me break this thing open.

He didn't.

And that's when I gave up--don't feel sorry for me though, I'm used to failing.

I hate my life so much.

Dr. Turdock R. Ferguson is a contributing editor for The Bastion based in Beijing. He became a freelance reporter in 1997 following the loss of his medical license.

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On the Web:

Pentagon: China may invade Taiwan, pull U.S. into war

CIA Factbook info on China

Globalsecurity.org looks at China's military